


Sextual

by aestivates



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Sexting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-27
Updated: 2013-02-27
Packaged: 2017-12-03 19:06:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/701638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aestivates/pseuds/aestivates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave is terrible at sexting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sextual

**Author's Note:**

> Written (quickly, might I add) for a sexting prompt over on tumblr! They've got cell phones and they've been to Barcelona and that's really all there is to say about the matter.

When Karkat wakes up that morning to a sequence of obnoxious text tones instead of his alarm, he doesn't fully realize what's happening until he grabs blindly for his phone and catches sight of the time on his lockscreen.

5:40 AM. Two hours and twenty minutes away from when it should be going off.

What.

Moderately more awake now thanks to the cosmic powers of what the fuckery, he fumbles with the screen and opens his inbox, and he is suddenly very unsurprised when he sees that the purveyor of the highly unwelcome wake-up call is none other than one 'Douchefuck Strider'.

He has half a mind to reply with a very succint and to-the-point "IT'S FUCKING FIVE AM FUCK OFF AND DIE" but then the messages keep coming in. Again.

And again.

Douchefuck Strider  
[ 5:40 AM ]  
so i had this dream about you  
needless to say it was a good dream  
you want details dont you  
[ 5:41 AM ]  
well since you asked so nicely  
we were in some fancy ass hotel that kind of looked like the one we went to in barcelona  
but more glittery  
literally glitter everywhere it was pretty glam and shit i felt like a rockstar  
maybe i was a rockstar who knows man i sure dont  
anyway apparently id summoned for room service and you came up wearing this maid outfit  
[ 5:42 AM ]  
it wasnt much of an outfit so much as thigh highs and an apron  
it was standard you said  
do you like it mr strider you asked  
and i said yes yes i do  
and suddenly your clothes just disappeared like my dream just decided to totally cheap out on the striptease whats the deal with that  
also i cant remember for the life of me what i wanted for room service  
i mean i guess i couldve called for a hot maid but its just as likely that i was calling for pancakes  
i dont remember seeing the pancakes though? continuity error much  
[ 5:43 AM ]  
but anyway you were suddenly naked except for this tiny little thong  
hot damn son  
was what im pretty sure went through my head i mean im picturing it now and yes that is what is going through my head  
this tiny little red thing wow it was so tiny  
and your ass just  
i mean  
its a thing we should consider getting you  
[ 5:45 AM ]  
my mind is kind of a haven of genius like it seriously just comes up with this stuff on its own im pretty sure id be able to market this shit into millions if i wanted to share you in a tiny thong with the rest of the world but actually no thats a terrible plan lets just pretend that idea never came into conceptualization

Karkat groans and throws his phone across the room. He's going to hate himself later when he has to physically get out of bed to turn off the alarm, but oh well. Nothing new.

"You are fucking shit at sexting and I don't know why you keep trying," he announces at the ceiling.

"No, come on, I was just getting to the good stuff," Dave protests from his right, still staring intently at the phone in his own hands.

"I hate you. I'm going back to sleep." Karkat rolls over and buries his head under the blankets to do just that.

There's a rustling, and the dip in the mattress adjusts slightly as a warm body tucks itself next to him. This almost makes the rude wake-up acceptable, until his lidded vision is suddenly assaulted by a bright blue light in front of his face and he snaps his eyes open in revisited irritation.

Sent to Karshizzle Vantizzle  
[ 5:48 AM ]  
and then we had hot steamy sex because youre mine and i love you

Karkat grabs his pillow and stuffs it over Dave's dumb face and his dumb phone and his dumb early morning texts in one shot, but when they fall asleep hours later they're all tangled together in a heap of naked bony limbs ("Works every time." "Wow, shut the fuck up."), and when Karkat's alarm starts obnoxiously going off at eight o'clock sharp, neither of them budge.


End file.
